THE NEGATIVE REACTION

A NEW DAY - AND CHILLY!

Yeah, yeah - I know, it's been a while and you're all fussing over what's going on in my life right?? *taps mic*, *taps mic*, "Hello?", "Helllllooooooooooooo??"

Well, things have been a fricking roller coaster lately. My Gifs nephew is still in and out of the hospital. He's lost 20 pounds and is NOT doing well. She in turn has become a crusty distant person. It's a relationship, so I know there is always good with the bad and the like. I'm just trying to suck it up and go. I usually dont let stuff get to me, but with a pretty important weekend coming up (my cousin's wedding), this is the LAST thing I need on my mind. Oh well, move on - it will get better!!

Work was a bear at the beginning of the week and now has slowed to a crawl. I actually got some stuff today, which is a nice change of pace. Dealing with people coming at you from all directions can be frustrating and mind numbing all at the same time.

WHAT is good? Soccer, roller hockey starting. The possibility of getting a new bike ( a SEVEN CYCLES no less!), and working the annual ERIKS warehouse sale. That means my new snowboard boots and goggles are FINALLY within reach!!

WEIRD WEEKEND MOMENT

After I told my parents that I needed to bring home some extra stuff to store at their place, they asked my help with moving some furniture when I came over. My mom made me go through a half dozen boxes of stuff that had piled up since college. It was a trip. Out of all my college stuff - I must have pulled 25 little scraps of people's (mostly women) numbers. NONE of which tripped my memory in any way. The worst was going through the mother of my son's old letter's and cards. Not to mention all the pictures of us laughing, hugging and kissing. I'll have to admit - it was tough. I took all that stuff and put it into a separate box.

LIFE OBSERVATION

After going through all this stuff, it struck me again. What have I missed, where did I go wrong? What could I have changed?? I often think what my life would be like right now.. . . would I be happy? I don't know. My X was pretty intense, and I'm pretty laid back by nature. Whenever we were together it was obvious we were into each other. I just don't know what I would be doing or where I would be working. I got into wireless and telecommunications because it interested me, and since it was taking off - a good sales opportunity, not because I was qualified to do so. . .

Our relationship was pretty volitile. After I got a glimpse of how manipulative she can be, she just drained the life and love out of our relationship. I've never known such hate towards one individual in all my life. I don't let ANYBODY get to me. But she got to me and got under my skin - which NEVER happens. Maybe it's just resentment on both our parts for what I did (yeah, I did some pretty stupid things!) and how we both fucked up such a wonderful thing. In any case, it's an old circular argument - what could have been done? Would I have changed anything? Honestly, if it meant my life went in another direction - maybe. It's always easier to make a decision and then change it. The hardest is when your dealing with your future. People make choices (wrong or right) and it takes your life in different directions. I made a decision that I could not handle her and I chose to live without her constantly trying to paint me into a corner. I dunno. I still have mixed feelings about the whole affair. Don't get me wrong - I'm still happy.

How fitting? Here's my song of the day

"Scene of a Perfect Crime" by Concrete Blonde:

My eyes are jaded and complicated,
Tired of the liars and the masqueraded
Who steals our innocence away,
Like a thief in the night?
Who took away our faith in what we know to be right?
That was another world, then
That was another time
You can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime.

Whatever became of the child I was
I never want to lose her no
I won’t give her up
And now my heart is harder,
My skin is getting tougher and tougher
That was another world then
That was another time
You can never go back to the place where love is blind
You can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime

Whatever became of our sweet blind love
As long as we could be together it was more than enough
Now we’re all grown up and we need so much
I never knew that the price would go up as such
That was another world then, then
That was another time

Well you can never go back to the place where love is blind.
You can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime.

Sorry - that's all I got today. . . my mind has been unloaded of it's burden. .

OUT