SLOW JUST SLOWER
As the minutes drag. I'm sitting in my office trying to figure out how to waste another 30 minutes of time before I can leave. 1 call and 1 email today, the busiest travelling day of the year (or os I'm told) and I'm stuck here. Not that I mind, I just can think of several other places I'd liked to be - that's all.
I've found momentary comfort from Pink Floyd streaming through my headphones. Today's CD, "The Division Bell" is a hauntingly good cd. Lots of emotions and agony and sorrow - those same friends who never seem to let me go, but hang around long enough so that they're never forgotten.
At least there is some happiness going on later today. I'm heading down to Iowa to pick up my son for the weekend, which will be fun. Happy Days are here again - huh? You know, all things considered, I can't be too down or pessimistic, my life is good and I have a lot of things I never thought I could achieve. Nice house, brand new car (2007 Dodge Caliber), great job, great wife. What more could a guy ask for? I think happiness is found in what you have, not what we think we lack. This brings me to the philosophical question of the day: When you go through a mess of shit, and come out the other side, and look around and you thank your God (whomever that may be) you survived, do you look and around and just appreciate you're alive and doing well and accept what you have. Or do you have to push on, to do more, be more successful and continue to strive to achieve more?? I asjked my Dad this since we both went through some insanely depressing times and went through hell ourselves. He had an interesting take. He said you go through it, you survive and look forward, never back, and never accept mediocrity. He said if you get into a mode where you think you have everything, what are you still missing? We're all still missing something - aren't we??
It was an interesting take. I always gave my father's opinons a lot of weight. I saw what he did with his life and have to believe someday I'll make him proud. I'm pretty sure he's already proud of me, but in my own mind, I can't compare my success to his - its just not something I can do.
I continue to have all of these deep thoughts at times when I really need to have a laptop or at least some paper handy to jot some of this stuff down. Its as if I'm at the crossroads of my life (still) and am not confused on what direction I want to go, I'm just enjoying being there - trying to take in as much of my life as I can.
It's like I said, when you've come out on the other side of a shit storm, the sky is bluer, the air is fresher, and the grass is greener. Nowadays, sometimes I so in touch with my senses, it's crazy. Just to pause and watch life go by can be rather amazing and theraputic.
17 minutes and counting . . . . .
The one thing I do have to get back to is my relaxation excercises and getting back in tune with the ASC part of me which has been seriously lacking. My soul is restless, and needs its excercise too - right?
Here's a sampling of what's going on in current events right now. . .
1) Democrats took back the Senate from the Republicans - there was much rejoicing at my parents house - not so much ours though.
2) We're still in Iraq, still looking for a way out. I recently read a Newsweek article which had the best solution I've laid out in a long long time.
3) Remember those 4-2 Vikings? Yeah, try 4-6 now Vikings. Sucks to lose your last 4 games eh?
4) Thanksgiving is right around the corner. . .oh the joy!!
5) 5 Muslim Imams were kicked off a Minneapolis flight after they claimed they were "just practicing their religion" other passengers didn't think so and they got the boot. CAIR was notified and now Muslims are going to boycott US Airways. Gimme a fricking break.
6) YOUTUBE.com still kicks ASS.
Hockey is going well. I put up 5 goals a couple of weeks ago, but have struggled to score since then. I'm playing two nights a week and soccer has been shelved for now. We'll see what next the next session of indoor brings. Maybe I'll play, maybe I'll stick with Hockey for right now.
I got "invited" to go play in the Great Plains Invitational indoor soccer tourney a few weeks ago by my X "best friend" Pat. I eventually turned them down. I had it in my head it would be a great time, but as the days wore on I finally figured that it wouldn't be as much as I thought it would be. These A-holes think I'm good enough to play with them in some tourney, trying to get our old team back together, but not good enough to play with them on a full time basis?? What the fuck? I think I thought it would be fun, but I just don't know these guys any more. I don't think I ever really knew them anyways, so why would I waste a bunch of money and time to go up there, only to find out things haven't changed and these guys are all the same guys??
I relented and didn't go - thank god. Sometimes its hard to move on, but at some point, you have to learn and move on. I've moved on and I'm glad I didn't go.
Well, its about that time again. Got time for a nice pic of the day??
Happiness is out there. . . believe me. . it is.
SEACREST OUT.
LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST
When I started this thing *gulp* three years ago, I never knew where it would go or how much I would write in it. I started out not having anything to do at work and thought it would be a great way to keep a journal of my ramblings, so I can look back and see where I've been.
Then, somewhere along the lines it all became so much more than that. It became the vehicle to tell my son what my life is, was and what goes on with me when I can just let loose and let everything go - stream of consciousness stuff - ya know? Someday, he'll take some time and read this and hopefully get a better picture of his father. I thought I knew my father,r ight up until all the wheels fell off the bus and we had an intervention my life went to shit for about 3-4 years.
2 years of dealing with the mother of my son, then finally getting out that debacle, only to have my brain, my emotions and my life twisted in so many directions when my father finally hit rock bottom. We all came out ok, but it was pretty touch and go for a while. I got his initials tattooed on my arm so I NEVER forget the fragility of life and how fast it can all be taken away from you.
Now I'm pushing 40, but I'll always be 28 in my own mind, no matter how old I get. That's such a timeless age. You're wise, you're still considered young, you can go out and party, and your body is still in good shape. To me, this is how I will always see myself. Not the puffy 36 year old I am now, which brings me to my next point - about my life.
I'm having a sort of midlife crisi right now. I still have dreams about NDSU, I still dream about what I left behind, about being so depressed for so long, and now I have the life I want. It's like I ran through a maze of darkness, survived all the demons, and now I'm on other side. But what was the damage? What did I leave behind? I keep thinking about how good my life USED to be. The fantastic times I had in college, it's all gone now. The sad thing is, I don't really have much proof of those years. I few pictures and a TON of memories to carry around. It's depressing to think about. I often think about what if I did this, or what if I did that - where would I be now? I think without my son, I'd still be in Fargo, dating anything that moved and looking for a way out. My son gave me the jolt I needed. I couldn't live in Fargo. There are too many bad memories. When I was there months ago, I just got bad vibes, an incredible sense of sadness that I had wasted my time there, that I didn't truly appreciate it for what it was - the best times of my life.
What to do now? I don't know. Try and look forward to having a family? Look forward to seeing my own son succeed and do well in sports? I want so bad for him to do better than me, get a better education, get a better job. IT's something I hammer him about all the time. Go hard now, push yourself, so when you get to be my age, life is easy, you'll have all the answers then.
Maybe I'm just dreading watching my own parents pass on, leaving me and my sister to our devices. It will be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. The emotional attachment I have to my parents is pretty incredible. I credit them for raising me properly, for giving me all the opportunity to succeed and always standing by me. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye, it makes me tear up just thinking about it - so, time to moce on to something else.
What's happening in the real world? Well, Iran and the US met separatly with the UN, this IRanian dude is certifiable. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is his name, and the guy has lost his yarbles for sure.
Just read this and tell me the guy is on the up and up.
Iranian weirdo addresses UN
The Vikings are 2-0 under the new leadership of Brad Childress. Hopefully he can stay a bit longer than Mike Tice. Tice was a good guy, but didn't have many fans and was hampered by a) not getting paid enough, b) the constant scandals surrounding himself and his team, c) a shitty team and d) an owner unwilling to invest in players ro the organization. Good ol' red tried so hard to just leech as much money as possible out the franchise. The guy's front office was a fricking skeleton crew of people. amazing they won ANY games, really.
Anna Nicole has a kid and her 20 year old son dies, how weird is that?
Steve Irwin "The Crocodile Hunter" died in a freak accident by getting his heart impaled after a stingray reacted to him swimming over the top of him and stung him with its tail. Everybody knew the guy would go out like that, but it happened so fast. Guy was a real conservationist and a reall hero. It will be missed, no doubt about it.
Well, I guess its time for a pic of the day - eh?
Here's my old homies onesidezero. They were my fav more than af ew years ago. Crazy band. Broke up and now back together "working" on new material. They took down the message board, and now they just have their myspace.com page. I gave up hope a while ago, but now I just put in, "Is This Room Getting Smaller" and I remember why I lvoed them so much. They are amazingly orginal and don't sound like any other band - something very few bands can say these days. Anyways, here's to my newest, oldest band.
One of my favorite songs off that album
The Day We Lied
I'll tuck you in
make sure the noose is tight
moving from side to side
inhibits your will to fight
I'll hold you always
clipping your wings away
laughing at your dismay
until your end is crowned
hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
ambush your thoughts this way
believe in this love affair
collecting your silent pleas
comfort all your fears
but I'll hold you always
clipping your wings away
tying you up this way
until your end is crowned
hold you alwaysbeauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
I'll hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
tying you up this way
clipping your wings away
I'm holding you always
I'm clipping your wings away
don't you wish you could fly
I'll come close, the end is near
hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
Hopefully they will return soon. If not, I'm planning on going out to Cali to see them. Wouldn't THAT be awesome??
OUT
ITS GOOD TO BE FREE AGAIN.
When our superhero last left you. . . it was a scant four months ago and the future looked pretty bleak. The Inside Sales department ship was sinking fast and our superhero could see the water lapping over his shoelaces. So what happened? Where did our superhero land? Well. . . . .
First of all, I totally jacked the Marketing Interview (probably for the better), I Got an offer from the DC Group, and as fate would have it - I got a job offer from Thomson, specifically, a job offer from FindLAw. You know, the fastest growing group within the Thomson West family. Here I am, in late April, having to decide between FindLaw and The DC Group. AlwaysBeThere just didn't have the pay scale I was interested in, or more importantly, could live on. Not to mention, I'd be taking a HUGE pay cut and working long hours and possibly weekends. With 10 years of experience in my bag, it didn't seem like a wise move. With all the fancy stuff the staff had at their disposal, it still wasn't enough. Maybe 5-7 years ago, I would've jumped at this job, but where I am now. . . no way. I totally blew off the last interview with the two owners. It was a lame interview anyways. I've had better questions asked for my bagger job at Byerly's than the ones they asked me at aBt. There were some other warning signs as well - but what can I say? The job wasn't for me. They didn't call me back and make me an offer, and I wasn't going to chase them down for it.
This leaves DC Group and FindLaw. I was pretty sure I was moving to the DC Group, then out of the blue, I got hooked up with the job at FindLaw. Chad, my manager was salivating over my resume. I had all the experience they wanted. Internet, web page experience, sales, training, management, I was the complete package. It was a no brainer for me to come up and work from them.
This left the hard task of telling the DC Group I wasn't coming to work for them. It was a tough call, but DC Group only offered, 2-$300.00 more than FindLaw and the deal breaker was a big one - on call duty. This meant weekends and nights of carrying a laptop and cellphone wherever I went. No weekends and no on call with FindLaw - thanks goes to Chad for making my choice so easy.
Now I'm 4 months into the job and absolutely love it. I learn something just about eveyday, my HTML skills are going through the roof and now that I'm busting my ass to get lockins and retain customers, I've already gotten some great feedback from my manager. It's the best decision I've made. I get to still see my buds in inside sales and have a job I love coming to work for. So whatever happened to the "segmentation experiment"??
Not so good. Lots of people coming and going (mostly going), several people moving into different departments and general maheim has ensued. My timing couldn't have been better. People are going long stretches without making their quotas and it's not imprving, it still getting worse. I've heard from friends in marketing they're seeing some major changes coming down the pipe with the pilots they're running now and even they say they can't see the bottom of this thing yet - how scary is that? It's like falling into a well, you haven't hit bottom yet, but its black around you. WOAH!!!!!
Anyways, lots more going on, but its time for me to get out for a long holiday weekend.
NEVER SAY GOODBYE
Ken,
Although I have tendered my resignation, I wanted to drop you a quick note and express some feelings about what's been going on lately since this "segmentation" experiment has taken place. I'm going to point out some good things, and also let you about the current gripes within your own division you may or may not be aware of.
It's obvious you are trying hard to do a good job and I see you working. I know Ann and Brad have been on all the managers about the lack of success across the board. I admire you sticking it out and continuing to try and work with the salespeople. Unfortunately, I feel the situation will not get better anytime soon, nor do I see a change in the management style that would allow me to continue working as an inside sales person. I feel this reflects more on the present upper management than it does you. They are in essence trying to create a telemarketing group, not a successful inside sales department.
On page 34 of your annual report it clearly states print sales are declining. Why would a sales organization actually INCREASE quotas when they know the future of their sales organization is in a different channel? As an organization, West has know this for some time. No sales retention policies, increased, unattainable quotas, micro-management, segmentation, etc, etc. All of this things are counter productive to retaining and keeping good salespeople.
WHEN DO YOU SAY ITS TIME TO MOVE ON?
This week was wonderful. My son visited for his spring break. Lots of good times, lots of laughs, good quality time you just can't enjoy enough. Today (Easter Sunday) was great. Catholic service at my old church in Minneapolis, then brunch at the Marriot. Then a quick trip home and then we bounced out to the airport where my son got on the plane and went back to Georgia. It's tough seeing him go. Everytime he comes up he asks why it can't be easier, why can't his mom live here. I think the same thing, and maybe someday it will change - for now, it is what it is and I deal with the ups of seeing him arrive, and the depression of seeing him go again.
My job as of late has been miserable, I have a lot going on. Interviewing for several positions within Thomson, not to mention tow other jobs with companies I cand efinitely see working for. One aBt is a wireless company that is doing what I lvoe, what I've put 10 years into - wireless. The other is an account management position with DC Group in Minneapolis. The next two weeks id going to be I N S A N E. A lot going on, a lot coming and going. I'll keep ya'll up to date as to where the dice fall and when everything sorts itself out. As a premptive strike, here's the letter I intend to send out to my managers and several others if and when I have to quit.
See following post. . .
THE DIVISON BELL HAD BEGUN TO RING
Its been a few weeks and here I am, at work, bored out my mind, enough calls already for the day, and its only 2:30pm. I only have an hour left, so that's good. When I started this job a year ago, I thought this was it, the last stop, somehwere I could hang my hat and do good things. I planned on putting in my year and then either moving in marketing or getting into management. How wrong I was. The people here are great, the upper management has ideas, like crazy ideas. I won't go into detail, but when you have several people not caring, not doing their jobs, and looking for employment elsewhere, you have a problem. People who are performing well, who want to leave.
Right now I have two ways to go. I'm working on putting together a business plan for a bike park for BMX/Dirtjumoers and freestylers. No skateboards allowed! I'm also looking for another job (like many of my co-workers). I have an interview with a cool company this Thursday which I'm looking forward to.
Oh well, I gotta make the rest of my "dials". More to come!!!
late
More than a month has come and gone. Many good things have happened, and life has remained somewhat static. Work is fine, but I'm looking for a new position within the company I work at now. I want to get out of sales so bad and having a regular paying job with a decent salary is all I'm looking for right now. No biggie right? Right.
Life is stable, life is predictible. I work every day, play soccer twice a week and hockey on Fridays. The weekends are spent running errands, cleaning the house and basically catching up on everything I didn't get done during the week. I talk to my son about four or five times during the week and that's all good. He's coming up again over spring break in April and I'm looking forward to him coming up.
I'm happy right now. The soccer teams I play on value me as a player. I've found my scoring touch again and have gelled with the teams I'm playing on right now. Where's my old club? 1-5 and struggling in the comp league. My leaving the team has been nothing but positive for me, and they're still sucking ass like they always have. It's good to see this turned out well for me, and they're well, they still suck, which makes me feel good.
The big news? The mother of my son is pregnant. At first I didn't know how to take this news. It struck me at first, then I got pissed, then I talked with some people at work and my family and my opinon has changed. I think my feelings of never living up her haven't completely faded away yet. I always have this desire to show her I've succeeded without her, that my life is just fine without her, and I don't need her for anything. Its too bad since I've changed so much over the past 10 years and have found success in my career, success in the sports I play and some decent success financially. I always thought I would be ok not knowing she would another child without me. When she got married, I thought it was all but in the books it would happen. I forgot those feelings until I found out she was pregnant. I think its interesting she didn't have the courage to tell me herself. I had to find out from my son telling me over the phone in a very round about way. But thena gain, this has been her MO forever. I'm still trying to deal with this so maybe its better to move on.
The olympics are on, don't care too much. It is what it is. The snowboarding was awesome, the mogul skiing was cool, although the judging was pretty lame. The Vice president shot some guy and the press had a hissy fit, Iran is building nukes, Muslims drive me nuts - not just over the whole cartoon thing either, we're still in Iraq cleaning up and a whole host of other stuff.
That's all I got for right now. Sorry, no pics of the day.
LATE
