VOICES THAT HOLD YOUR MEMORIES. . .
So I'm listening to Loreena McKeenitt's "The Mask & the Mirror". It just happens to be playing on the internet while I sit in my windowless office. My last post about Deanna brought back some memories. I saw I failed to tell you the fateful night our souls were bound, this very cd was playing.
Have you ever had a moment and music absolutely seared into your brain? That night, those emotions, this music. It will never leave me. D has told me she can't listen to it anymore, it's too emotional for her. I've known the same.
THIS CURSE
what have we ever known?
miles and years that have separated us,
one night to say goodbye,
as the music played,
we could never know,
this tangled web of life,
where we would end up,
our hearts so close,
our souls so far away,
our movements so dilberate,
our soft breathe,
only our emotions moved,
so quiet,
now we see the dawn approaching,
of what could never be,
these pictures still play out,
forever in my mind,
still so vivid,
still so clear,
what will it take to untagle this love?
I will forver see your face,
and I will call out to you in the darkness,
but will you come for me?
will it always be this way?
TWO DAYS BLOGGED. . .
WOW! Two days in a row, I must be doing something right, or am just too lazy to go back to working on my Service Center business plan. I think it's the latter, but something more mysterious hit me a few days back. I thought it would clear my mind (like it always does) but somehow has stayed in the front of my brain. So let's start at the beginning.
First question - Have you ever had a woman you wanted to be with (not have sex) so bad, but somewhere deep down, you knew it would never work? Allow me to introduce you to Deanna.
My college days (approx 1990-1997 thats 5 years of undergrad, and almost 2 years of post-grad work) were filled with long drinking nights, chasing skirts and lots and lots of fun. During this time, I met this tall, thin, short, dark haired marvel. Peircing blue eyes and a mind like a trap. I instantly smitten. The gods, however did not look upon me very kindly though. The one thing we did have in common was an array of girlfriends/boyfriends. It just seemed like we were always dating other people. We talked briefly and she dated one of my housemates for a while. At this time, my current girlfriend got pregnant with my son. A lot of shit went down in those last few years, and we basically lost touch with each other.
After my first move to Minneapolis, I came up for a weekend. It would be the night that changed everything. We all went out and got REALLY REALLY wasted. I was having a ball and not really caring too much agbout my behavior. We were at the bar and decided to do some tequila shots. I ended up sucking the lime out of her roomates mouth, and then asked me why I didn't get her lime. So I got her's too. But our kiss was crazy passionate. When we finished, we looked into each other's eyes and knew something was going on. Our flirting went on all night long. By the end of the night, I ended up in her room and we started talking in the dark and listening to Loreena Mckinnit.
It was perhaps of the most interesting nights I ever had. We talked at length about a lot stuff we were interested in. After more booze and some heavy petting, we had sex for like two hours. It was insane. then we crashed in each other's arms and then had sex again in the morning. From that day on, I was cursed. I went back to Minneapolis with a profound sense of finding my soulmate. When we were around each other it was literally electric. So much emotion, it was weird. I would be at work and I could "feel" her pain. It was crazy. I would call her out of the blue and simply ask her what was wrong. She told me several times I was the only guy that could peg her when she was depressed. It was like being connected with someone on a TOTALLY different level. I second time I came up, she was dating some guy and my car borke down on the way up to Fargo. Her and her roommate came and got me. Three hours to get me, and three hours back ot Fargo. We curled up on her bed and she gave me a long backrub. Of course, in the dark and again, one thing lead to another. In the morning, her boyfriend showed up and I made a hasty retreat to the living room couch. It was pretty funny. Again, another night of electricity and amazing emotion.
As fate would have it, she moved to Florida. She was a water spirit. Living in North Dakota was really draining for her. I could see it in her whenever I saw her. Her move garnered different responses from different people. Her boyfriend was pissed she didn't want to stay with him., her friends all but turned on her. they couldn't imagine why she wanted to move. After moving away two years earlier, I saw it coming myself and got out. I just saw that time in my life as a chapter that was closing. Post college graduate, in grad school, all my friends getting married and moving away. My friendships disolved over my grilfriend getting pregnant. I was left with little or nothing, and with ensuing other things, made the move back to Minneapolis. It was, perhaps, the smartest thing I could have done. So when D wanted to move to Florida, for me, it was natural, she needed it. When I explained to her what my feelings were, she was happy to know that I supported her. Little did I know where it would lead. . .
For the little time that we did spend together, I always felt that she was my soul mate. I could always confide in her and she in me. After she moved, I got to spend the 1999 new year's with her. It was weird. She was seeing someone else (as usual) and told me when we got to the airport she was in love with this guy. This is the norm for her. She always fell for guys so hard and seeimingly so easy. New Year's eve was comical, the guy acted like a knob, they got into a fight, and things disolved from there. I ended up with her good friend and she came home sometime around 5am. It didn't bother me so much, but after I left and subsequent phone conversations, we tried to works omething out so we could be together. I now had my son, and leaving Minneapolis would be hard. It seemed as though we were at a standstill. This is pretty much where the story ends.
I talked with D briefly a few times last summer. She went through a very painful relationship, and her best friend and constant confidant had moved out to marry some older guy. We talked for a long time, and it seemed that time was running over us. It was at this time I relenquished all my feelings for her and stopped my school boy fantasies of ever seeing her again, or being with her again. Our coversation was more about what we had become, not if we would ever be together. It was really sad for me.
I wrote her a long poem years ago, when my heart was broken and I couldn't get her on the phone. The story of two lost souls, hopelessly intagled, never to be together. She was my angel, and always will be. She will never be to far out of my thoughts. If nothing else, I can hold on the few nights we were together. Magical, simply magical.
So this was the one who seemingly got away. If ever I could change anything, it would be to spend it with her. Lost chances, lost loves, it's all part of life. D will always be with me, and I with her.
Glad I could finally spill my thoughts on this one.
LATE
TEN MORE DAYS GONE. . . . . .
Okay, so not much going on here. My son is still here and the last two weeks were hell. Too much work, not enough free-time for the people that matter in my life. But alas, some good things are actually going on.
Hmmmmmmmm, I gotta get our business plan done for the mobile service center. I already gave my boss a copy of the stuff he'll need for the retail stores. I really had to emphasis the absolute need not to skimp on anything listed. Otherwise, the wicked witch from the North from Nextel will come and try to shut us down. She shut my boss's service center down last time and she's already pissed as hell we got our service center back. I have no time for these stupid quarrels. Let me run my business and we'll be just fine and what I'm going to tell her the next time I see her. So I will be managing the service centers and will be instrumental in getting the mobile service center up and running as well. Lots on my plate coming up - which is good for me. I'm kinda a work-a-holic. But with everything, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
WOAH! Kinda got on a roll there. I was actually working on my Mobile Service Center business plan and totally forgot about my friendly neighborhood blog.
Ok, so I put my BP on hold until tomorrow. I also put the website on hold for now. I figure if my boss thinks I'm so important, he can chip in for me to update and maintain the website for a nominal fee. Christ, the guy hates doing anything internet related and to a degree I have him kinda bent over. So until he caves, I won't be doing much work on that. Which in turn will allow me to continue my ongoing work on my various other projects. Hee hee hee.
Don't look now, but guess who is about to make history??
In any case, I'm not so sure Lance is going to make it six. Even though the majority of his rivals are long gone, Ivan Basso is keeping stride with him and could very well be a threat to getting his six. I'm really pulling for him, but I'm sure there's plenty of drama ahead.
So what else is new? I'm close ot getting my bike finished. since my co-worker is buying my bike, I will hopefully be getting the last crucial piece of the bike (my Race Face DEUS crankset) soon and get this thing finished in a few weeks. I'm not ocunting on my co-worker actually buying the bike, so I'm already in plan B for what alternate crankset I will go with - money permitting of course. . .
Oh well, lots of political stuff going on. too much funny stuff to mention here! Sandy HAMBurgler sticking classified documents down his pants is pretty funny. Oh well, more laters brah!!!
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DAYS INTO NIGHTS. .
WOW. I'm in another one of my depressing moods. It's raining outside today and I've get Ella crooning to me on my computer. Who wouldn't be depressed by that? It's a big band day. I use this music to get away from this crazy world we're livin in. IT's nice to hear the real entertainers fo a decade gone past. I know I've waxed estatic about this stuff before - but this is GOOD music!!
So anyways, what's going on in the big crazy world we live in? Well, it's an election year, Kerry finally picked his running mate, woot fricking woot. Things have queited down a bit on the terrorist front. Some big attack is in the works from our friends over at the Al-Quaida camps. They're actually going to influence our elections. I guess that's one more thing we can thank those stupid Spainards for. If they had the nuts not to collapse to these animals, the terrorists wouldn't feel like they have any hope in having an impact on our elections.
Oh well, on to more important things. Still working feverishly on my business. It's coming along nicely. If you want a preview, check here. It obviously still has some bugs to work out, but I think you get the idea. This week sucked, I have to work all weekend and am really looking forward to getting some days off in the last two weeks to spend time with my son.
Oh yeah, can't forget about Lance, he's dropped back to 6th now, but he's content. the US Postal team needs to be strong and rested for the final weeks in the mountains. This is traditionally where Lance takes over. So the team needs to ber ready to go. So resting them right now is what's important. Most of the leaders are virtual unknowns. Another of his rivals Patachhi dropped out in Stage 5, so that's more good news. I think he's got it. He looks strong, he's staying whitin striking distance, so it looks good so far.
So with that. . .
NUMBER 6 COMING RIGHT UP!!!!
Other than Lance going for his 6th straight Tour victory, I'm getting the itch to skate again REALLY BAD!! This summer has been a wash. I'm working too much and not enjoying my free time. It's like every second is taken up by something trival. Work takes such a HUGE chunk of my time - it sucks!! After my son is gone in August, I'm going to make a point to go to some skateparks to have some fun. Soccer? I'm so blah blah blah on it right now.
OH! SNAP!! I almost forgot. My bike is as close to completion as possible. Just afew more things and then construction begins! I'm waiting for one of the mechanics to come back from vacation before I start putting all the shit together. I'm going to unveil it at ERIKS annual 3 hours of Lebanon. Should be fun.
this week I've heard Mike Wilson on three different radio shows promoting his new movie "Michael Moore Hates America." Since Moore's own Fareheit 9/11 has come out, I've been shocked to find that so many people are just totally un-informed. Crazy. . . maybe Moore was right all along about how stupid and easily convinved people have become.
As with every post, I try and end it with a nice picture. . I fashion it after John Stewarts "Moment of Zen" on the daily show.
So here you go, in honor of those still serving our country. This is for them, so that we may never forget what they're fighting for.
WHO MORE THAN SELF LOVED THEIR COUNTRY, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN
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MORE FROM THE EDGE
It's been a hectic week. My baby has been in England, so I'm alone and taking care of my son until she gets back on Saturday. So it's been all me this week. It's been great to see my son, what I have seen of him. ERIKS has me working so damn much, it's not good. I'm thinking about quitting. It just seems like everybody is only out for themselves. So from now on, I'm going to be a total asshole and get MY time off. Fuck my loyality to the company, from now on - it's all about me, nobody else.
So after working three days in a row, I get to finally see my son tonight. Oh wait, I have to clean the house and get ready for my Baby coming home tomorrow. Don't want her to come home toa dirty house, right? So I figure I'll at least have a few hours to spend with him. Hopefully we can find something fun to do. We broke out my acient Dungeon and Dragons board game from like 1980 or something. We played it for a while, then I stayed up for another 2 hours trying to win the game, too funny.
So my bike is finally coming together nicely. I'm just starting to realize it's not the big items that are going to kill me. It's my drive not to skimp on any parts. I WANT to get a new seat, some new tires, and new pedals. I figure if I'm going to do this right - LETS DO IT RIGHT!! So now I'm down to ordering my wheels. I have my disc brake stuff, my shifting stuff (all SRAM), and now, the last big purchase will be my wheels. My timetable is to have it ready for the big "3 hours of lebanon" race that ERIKS has every year. If I can get my wheels and my cranks within the next few weeks, it shouldn't be a problem.
So what else is new? Another few ideas for a business. I'll keep those in my back pocket in the meantime to see where it leads. I'm building a website (since I have SO much fricking time here) for it right now, so I'm getting excited.
Oh yeah, Michael Moore's "documentary" came out and has since taken quite a lashing from the media. The guy is a total fraud. I'm just glad another Minneosta native has taken him on in his own film, "Michael Moore Hates America." Check out the website www.michaelmoorehatesamerica.com
the movie looks G R E A T. Not a hatchet job on Mr. Moore, just an honest look to see if the American dream still exists.
Oh well, vegging out here in the office, listening to some KILLER vocal trance music on shoutcast. Ahhhh athe power of the internet. Thank God I haven't had any completely stupid people here the last few days. Like these:
CUST: I get get service in XYZ area, but I can see the tower right in my back yard, why can't I get any signal when the tower's that close?
ME: Sir, how did you know it's a Verizon tower?
CUST: Ummmmmmmmmmm, wellllllllllllllll, IIIIIIIIIIII guess I didn't.
Ok people, carriers don't allow people to know where their towers are. It would be akin to releasing KFC's secret recipe. Also, think if you were one pissed off customer and decided to go on a little commando raid. Imagine the problems a company could have if one of their towers suddenly fell over?? I think you get the point.
CUST: I'm interested in switiching carriers. Please tell me about all the price plans you have.
ME: Ummmmmmmmmm yeah, we represent 5 major carriers. Those carriers all have between 20-30 price plans each. You do the math lady. Got a few hours to kill?
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IS THIS ONE:
CUST: So who has the best service?
ME: Sir, that would be like me asking a car salesmen which car that he sells is the best one.
Getting wireless service is really a big crap shoot. There are so many fucking variables involved it would make your head spin. I get dizzy just thinking about everything that has to go right to even make a call. Even if I tell you a carrier is awesome, you may get a crap phone, or service in your particular area might not be good. No matter what, you just never know. You can read all the reviews, do all your research, but in the end, it's a roll of the dice.
Okay. so last thought. Euro 2004 is almost over. England was dreadful to say the least. Becks missed TWO, count them two PK's, then blamed it on his training. I love the guy, but BITCH PLEASE. At least nut up and take the heat. The guy is still an amazing player, I think the Euro championship has become a curse for the English. Oh well. . . .
I'll post more on the election, the turn over of power to the IRAQI's and So Damn Insane's trial, later this week. Oh yeah and Hosoi got outa prison after a 5 year stint. WEIRD.
At least I'll leave with this. . . my first love - skateboarding.
I LOVE THAT FEELING!!
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