THE NEGATIVE REACTION

Unfortunately, today is not the day I post I had a great day and what a wonderful life I have. It's going to be somber and depressing. Today I learned one of my hero's passed away. The lead singer of Type O Negative, Peter Steele died yesterday of heart failure. Today ended with a great sense of grief. One of my favorite bands is gone and someone who I looked up to and related with for so many years is now gone.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I read the first interview with Pete. It was in Fargo, ND, circa 1994, while I was in college, They were touring with Motley Crue and the local paper did a short interview with him. It was pretty depressing. Pete talked about how he didn't ask to be born, he didn't want to be a human being and thought he would be better off as a maggot on the sidewalk.

The next time I would hear about them was when I heard Black no.1 on the radio. I called the radio station, frantic to find out who this awesome band was. I was shocked to find out - it was Type O Negative. I went out and bought Bloody Kisses and was instantly in love. Pete's voice, the moody, dark atmospheric music, and the overtly sexual lyrics had me hooked.




Soon after Bloody Kisses, I got my first chance to see TON in concert during the October Rust tour in I think 1996. I was living in Minneapolis, but went back to Fargo to see them. It was an amazing concert. Small bar, small stage, and lots of volume.

During this time, I was going through some pretty rough times. My son was born, my ex had moved back to Minneapolis, and I was struggling to find my way in life. I didn't know what the future held for me, and after moving back to get back together with my ex, she didn't want anything to do with me. I was thinking about moving back to Fargo and going to grad school. I was trying to hold on and move on all at the same time. On the October Rust CD, there's a song titled, "Love You To Death. It was a minor hit and getting LOTS of play in Fargo. Towards the end of the song, Pete starts singing: Am I good enough. . am I good enough. . for you? which always made me think about my situation, am I good enough for anybody? Will I ever find happiness?



The song really stayed with me for a long time. The whole album made me think a lot about life, and how much suffering I was going through. I felt like Pete was such a kindered spirit to me. His view on life, how he felt he had been suffering his whole life, it was remarkable how much I looked up to him and related to his struggles to find happiness.

If October Rust was my watershed moment, then the songs off their next album World Coming Down in 1999 was my swan song. I was still pretty depressed in 1999-2000. This album spoke volumes about my life then, what I was experiencing and where I would be in the next few years. At the time, it felt like my world was collapsing in, and there was nobody there for me. I felt so alone and deserted, it was pretty sad. I listened to this album day and night, and it made me get up each morning and keep moving forward. No matter how bad I thought life was, I knew somehwere, sometime it would get better.



After so many years of being such a huge fan, and seeing them multiple times, I knew I would represent them anyway I could. I started having TON wallpapers on my PC, I started wearing the concert t-shirts to work, and then, in 2003, I started this blog. I knew I wanted a TON sort of theme. The title of my blog is a nod to TON. The color scheme, the catch phrase, everything was done as a fan of TON and Pete Steele.

I still have all thier albums and I will continue to listen to their music long after Pete and the rest of TON are gone. They have left an indelible mark on my life and I will never forget what their music has done for me. God, I miss Pete already.

Godspeed old friend, The world will miss you.