THE NEGATIVE REACTION

I NEVER KNOW WHY

My son goes home in a few days and I've been coming down on him pretty hard the last two days. I've spent some time trying to figure out if it's me or if it's him, or a combination of both. It just seems as it gets closer to time for him to leave, he starts doing things which really piss me off.

Yesterday I just got to the point where I just kept telling myself, "I really don't give a fuck. I've never felt close to my son and now I don't care. Let him do whatever he wants, it doesn't matter to me."

Then I starting thinking it might just be me acting out like he does when it gets close to the time for him to go home. I get pretty frustrated since now is the time when we could be spending a lot of quality time together, and instead with his numerous foot surgeries and his unwillingness to do anything I suggest (unless its a movie or dinner some where) has just pushed me to the edge.

The new thing is we met with his mother when he first got into town and he wants to change his visitation so he can skip Thanksgiving (I knew after this year it would happen, along with his mother's coaching of course) and then take away a week in the summer - which didn't surprise me either. His mother spoke of him starting to work this next summer (weird, since he has ANOTHER foot surgery during the summer) and this would cause him to need to be home to work.

My friends have always told me he will get to an age and then you just have to let him go and when he's ready, he'll come back.

I guess I'll just have to be patient - something I'm not very good at.

For now. . .


SEACREST EWT.