THE NEGATIVE REACTION

TOP 5 BREAKUPS OF ALL TIME

I just finished watching "High Fidelity" with John Cusak. If you're not a fan of music, or were living under a rock in 2000, then you missed one hell of a great movie. I've already seen the movie multiple times, but thought I would watch it tonight to get some writing ideas. Boy, did I come up with a great idea. I'm going to do the same thing Cusak's character does - go through my top 5 breakups of all time. . .starting of course in 9th grade with Anne Nelson. In order to completely expose the innocence, I will use their real names. the chances they'll actually read this is about a million to one - I betting the one will take a long long time to arrive - so here goes.

#5 Anne Nelson
It was 9th grade and I had exactlY three girlfriends prior to Anne. She was really the first time I really felt like I was in love with a girl. To be frank, I had never even kissed a girl before her. Oh sure, some pecks on the cheek and stuff, but not like kissing ya know? Our cute puppy love lasted almost a year. Everything was great until she went out of town. The few weeks prior to this, the school slut, Colleen Thomas was flirting with me nonstop. She'd say hi in the hallway, smile at me and flirt with me all the time. Anne went out of town and suddenly Colleen was all over me - at my locker, talking and calling me. Needless to say, I got taken in by the trashy whore and felt like Anne and I were over. It was hard, Anne and I stayed friends for a while and me and Colleen only lasted a few weeks. I tried to get back together with Anne, but it was to no avail, she already moved on. I broke her heart, then let her break mine - I was a victim of the "one in the hand, two in the bush" thought. There were several valuable lessons I learned here. A) Never drop someone you love for something you think is better. B) Don't try and stay friends with your ex's, it only severly complicates things and C) Never give your ex a shoulder to cry on, she'll only use it to make you feel guilty and a bunch of other lame stuff.

#4 Kristine Woodruff
She was blonde, smart, had a decent body and was a femminist. The femminist didn't bother me too much. I was a sophmore in college, and it was 1991. I had just finally gotten over my last ex of two and some odd years Kathie (#3 on our list) and was ready for something fresh. It lasted anout 6 months. I knew her roommates and it was a weird situation at first. The first time we met and hit it off, I was drunk and high and her roommates had lined her up with 5 guys at one of their house parties - I got lucky and survived the cut because I could carry a decent conversation, and I didn't pull out her panties and use them as a toy to play with her new kitten. Kristine enjoyed sex (rare for a femminist I know) and we got along well. She was pretty quiet, but smart and determined. I was also dating a few other women at the time and after I kissed one of my friends on the lips good night after getting dropped off, she found out and abruptly broke up with me. I told her what had happened but it was of no use. Since I had other women I was dating, it didn't kill me, but it sure irked me for some strange reason. I ran into her a few times later and her femminazi attitude had gotten much worse and far more radical. When I spoke to her, it really bugged me. I wouldn't doubt if she was a lesbian by now.

The next three are awfully tight, but #1 will never change, but the next two are neck and neck. Some days I think one is #3 and the other is #2, depending on how much I analyze it.

#3 - Kathie Musch
I was still a sopmore and she was a freshman. We hit it off right away and had a lot in common, We dated and it was very much a love/hate relationship. We argued and fought a lot, but we were both sexually adventurous. She was the woman who taught me a LOT about sex. She also taught me how sex can used as a weapon. I fell in love and when things were great, they were awesome. Unfortunately, she was from rural america and I was a suburban boy with rich parents. Her parents were farmers. We were from to different backgrounds and I think it never could have lasted. I really did lover her and we were off and on for for about two years, until I finally gave up and she moved away with the guy she dated right after me. This seemed to be a pattern with me, most the women I dated married the guys they dated right after me. I really have no idea how to take this, but it has happened more than once - this being the case here. The funny thing about Kathie is right after she started dating her present husband, he left for summer vacation and Kathie stayed in Fargo. I got several calls to come over and satisfy her. I guess I was the only guy who ever figured out how to give her the big O. It happened three or four times, and I'm sure he probably will never know. I guess he didn't like me much. I have no idea why, since after I finally got over her, I decided never to get involved with my heart unless it was absolutely necessary. As far as I was concerned, I knew how to use sex as a weapon, and how to not get emotionally involved unless absolutely necessary.

#2 CJ
Probably one of the hardest relationships I had to give up. Several years out of college, several years removed from realtionship breaker #1 on the list (Karis), several years of a stable job, living alone and enjoying my bachelor lifestyle. Lots of partying, even more women, and comfy with where I was in my life. We met at the Gasthoff in Minneapolis and we found out we had a TON in common. She was a jock, I was a jock. She liked hard rock music, I loved hard rock music. She worked with kids, I had a son. There was a lot of stuff we hit it off with right away. The realtionship lasted several years and I was off and on with her. I couldn't really make up my mind. She was great in bed, wore sexy clothes, and got along great with my son. The breakup was the hardest for me because I was ready to settle down and was also dating tow other older women who made over 100K per year, owned their own house and wanted me to get serious with them. At the time, I felt our future together did not look well. Lots of struggling financially, and the feeling of never getting ahead really scared the hell out of me. I already had three friends who were in the midst of divorces and they all said it was mainly over money. It was hard to say goodbye, but I had to. It was a shile since I really cried over a woman and I really miss her still. I was emotionally involved to the hilt and the pain lasts to this day.

Four down and one left. This one is at the top of the list for several reasons. I'll keep it short and sweet, so here's #1 with a bullet - KARIS.

#1 - KARIS

we hit off strong and fast. I was a junior in college, she was senior. She was graduating in two weeks and I had another full year. Once again, I found out we had a ton in common. We were both sexual dynamos in bed, we were both jocks, we both wanted to go to grad school together. Within six months, she made me move out of the house I was living in with my soccer buds, was pregnant, and wanted me to settle down with her and give up my partying ways and not hang out with my friends. I didn't want to get meoitonally involved. I just got out of my realtionship with breakup #3 and was just getting my life bacj in order. One night, with only several days left in her college life, Karis rolled over and asked me what I wanted to do. After only two weeks I had to decide if I wanted to get serious or walk away. It was a major crossroad I was not prepared for. I took the relationship but was not prepared at ALL for what was about to happen to my life.

In 6 months, my life was turned upside down. In another year I had a beautiful baby boy, we moved in and then she moved back to Minneapolis. We broke up and got back together seveal times. I moved several times and was under the impression we'd get back together (her words) and now 11 years later and I still ove my son dearly and have an awesome relationship, but the tremors from our relationship are still being felt today. We're as unpleasant to each other as ever, and I don't think it will ever get settled. Did I fuck up a few times while we were datiing and she was pregnant? You bet. However, the only thing which has brought me any happiness has been my son. The pain, agony and misery she has caused has crossed 11 years. For the most part, I'm over it, but the bitterness will always be there. The only thing which could take away a remote amount of paing would be her admitting she did some wrong things too - but it hasn't happened yet, and I doubt it ever will.