THE NEGATIVE REACTION

LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST

When I started this thing *gulp* three years ago, I never knew where it would go or how much I would write in it. I started out not having anything to do at work and thought it would be a great way to keep a journal of my ramblings, so I can look back and see where I've been.

Then, somewhere along the lines it all became so much more than that. It became the vehicle to tell my son what my life is, was and what goes on with me when I can just let loose and let everything go - stream of consciousness stuff - ya know? Someday, he'll take some time and read this and hopefully get a better picture of his father. I thought I knew my father,r ight up until all the wheels fell off the bus and we had an intervention my life went to shit for about 3-4 years.

2 years of dealing with the mother of my son, then finally getting out that debacle, only to have my brain, my emotions and my life twisted in so many directions when my father finally hit rock bottom. We all came out ok, but it was pretty touch and go for a while. I got his initials tattooed on my arm so I NEVER forget the fragility of life and how fast it can all be taken away from you.

Now I'm pushing 40, but I'll always be 28 in my own mind, no matter how old I get. That's such a timeless age. You're wise, you're still considered young, you can go out and party, and your body is still in good shape. To me, this is how I will always see myself. Not the puffy 36 year old I am now, which brings me to my next point - about my life.

I'm having a sort of midlife crisi right now. I still have dreams about NDSU, I still dream about what I left behind, about being so depressed for so long, and now I have the life I want. It's like I ran through a maze of darkness, survived all the demons, and now I'm on other side. But what was the damage? What did I leave behind? I keep thinking about how good my life USED to be. The fantastic times I had in college, it's all gone now. The sad thing is, I don't really have much proof of those years. I few pictures and a TON of memories to carry around. It's depressing to think about. I often think about what if I did this, or what if I did that - where would I be now? I think without my son, I'd still be in Fargo, dating anything that moved and looking for a way out. My son gave me the jolt I needed. I couldn't live in Fargo. There are too many bad memories. When I was there months ago, I just got bad vibes, an incredible sense of sadness that I had wasted my time there, that I didn't truly appreciate it for what it was - the best times of my life.

What to do now? I don't know. Try and look forward to having a family? Look forward to seeing my own son succeed and do well in sports? I want so bad for him to do better than me, get a better education, get a better job. IT's something I hammer him about all the time. Go hard now, push yourself, so when you get to be my age, life is easy, you'll have all the answers then.

Maybe I'm just dreading watching my own parents pass on, leaving me and my sister to our devices. It will be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. The emotional attachment I have to my parents is pretty incredible. I credit them for raising me properly, for giving me all the opportunity to succeed and always standing by me. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye, it makes me tear up just thinking about it - so, time to moce on to something else.

What's happening in the real world? Well, Iran and the US met separatly with the UN, this IRanian dude is certifiable. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is his name, and the guy has lost his yarbles for sure.

Just read this and tell me the guy is on the up and up.

Iranian weirdo addresses UN


The Vikings are 2-0 under the new leadership of Brad Childress. Hopefully he can stay a bit longer than Mike Tice. Tice was a good guy, but didn't have many fans and was hampered by a) not getting paid enough, b) the constant scandals surrounding himself and his team, c) a shitty team and d) an owner unwilling to invest in players ro the organization. Good ol' red tried so hard to just leech as much money as possible out the franchise. The guy's front office was a fricking skeleton crew of people. amazing they won ANY games, really.

Anna Nicole has a kid and her 20 year old son dies, how weird is that?

Steve Irwin "The Crocodile Hunter" died in a freak accident by getting his heart impaled after a stingray reacted to him swimming over the top of him and stung him with its tail. Everybody knew the guy would go out like that, but it happened so fast. Guy was a real conservationist and a reall hero. It will be missed, no doubt about it.

Well, I guess its time for a pic of the day - eh?

Here's my old homies onesidezero. They were my fav more than af ew years ago. Crazy band. Broke up and now back together "working" on new material. They took down the message board, and now they just have their myspace.com page. I gave up hope a while ago, but now I just put in, "Is This Room Getting Smaller" and I remember why I lvoed them so much. They are amazingly orginal and don't sound like any other band - something very few bands can say these days. Anyways, here's to my newest, oldest band.


One of my favorite songs off that album

The Day We Lied

I'll tuck you in
make sure the noose is tight
moving from side to side
inhibits your will to fight
I'll hold you always
clipping your wings away
laughing at your dismay
until your end is crowned
hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
ambush your thoughts this way
believe in this love affair
collecting your silent pleas
comfort all your fears
but I'll hold you always
clipping your wings away
tying you up this way
until your end is crowned
hold you alwaysbeauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
I'll hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please
tying you up this way
clipping your wings away
I'm holding you always
I'm clipping your wings away
don't you wish you could fly
I'll come close, the end is near
hold you always
beauty in your eyes
escape to your world please










Hopefully they will return soon. If not, I'm planning on going out to Cali to see them. Wouldn't THAT be awesome??


OUT