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ANOTHER MONTH GOES BY. .

I'm surprised it's been over a month since I've felt compelled to write in my blog. I'm sure it's a few things, but overall, everything has somewhat panned out for me in the last few weeks. Right up until I went to go see "Friday Night Lights" . In a nutshell, it's about Odessa Texas which has a fanatical (I mean that as literal as you can imagine) high school football tradition. the movie is about one season back in 1988. It doesn't give a lot of what was going on off the field, and instead puts a square focus on the season, the players and the coach all trying to live up to the hype and tradition that is West Texas football.

The reason the movie struck a chord with me is the underlying theme of living in the moment, and not allowing it to slip by. Having one shot to stake your claim, one shot to feel and bask in the glory. Most of us never fully sense when "that time" really is. Suddenly, once you realize it, it's gone. The theme hit me hard in the realization that here was a bunch of kids who may or may not understood this WAS their time. At the conclusion of the film, it gave us another glimpse of this cold reality when it informed us of what ever happened to the players on that fateful team and the coach. Only one played Division 1 football, and only for one season. The rest went to Divison 3 schools or junior college. The only glowing moment is when the only Hispanic player was accepted into Harvard and is now practicing law in Odessa.

Getting back to why I identified with the film so much is that I had a very similar experience, but not in high school. I played soccer and hockey up until my junior year in high school. For the most part, I was pretty bored in high school and thought the people I went to school with were stuck up pricks and bitches. I got into snowboarding and skateboarding and gave up on athletics, much to the dismay and anger of my parents. It wasn't until I was in college I was re-introduced to soccer. It soon became my love again, and I actually played at my peak during these years.

I was lucky. My friends and I built a team that was virtually unstoppable and ran the table for nearly four seasons. It was pure magic. It wasn't until late in the fourth season did I realize what we had and by this time, my college career was ending, people were moving away and my life changed dramatically. Now as I sit here and type this I felt like I really hadn't accomplished anything in my life. I just felt like I really missed enjoying a great time in my life. It happened all so fast. 7 years just FLEW by. 5 years of undergraduate work followed by almost two years of grad school took its toll. Don't get me wrong, these were the best years of my life. I feel like I didn't fully grasp the moment we were in. I took it all for granted, I just figured it would last forever. I think that was the point of the movie. It's not enouogh to just realize the moment when it comes. A person has to close his hands over it and enjoy it for what it is. A moment in time you cannot freeze, you cannot stop. It will begin and conclude. Will another time like this ever come again? It's too hard to tell. But savoring it makes all the more worthwhile and the memories that more vivid.

That's why I get so depressed about movies like this. I should remember more - but I can't. I remember my best goals, I remember meeting some prety cool people. I remember winning some close, tight strung games. I remember the trials of getting to nationals. I remember the big stuff, but the small stuff, the stuff I should have savored, it all fell to the wayside. Just clutter in my memories. There was about a year and a half were I was a total zombie. Just going through the motions, trying to survive on my own after a diasterous relationship. a lot of that time in my life was completely lost. So to try and reference some of those good times in the midst of that choas just doesn't work. I have no starting point, it just fades out. So sad to think about, but true nonetheless.

So I wait a month, then drop a depressing as hell post. I'll try do better next time.



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