THE NEGATIVE REACTION

MONDAY MONDAY

It's early, and I usually don't write this until later in the day. I figured I'm going to write a book about how the Wireless industry is a racket. I figure the book will compare the mob to the wireless carrier. How they continually screw the customer out of money and have no regrets for what they do.

I'm going to start with my own experiences and then build case studies on the customers that I personally know got screwed, the selling techniques these companies use and all the other BS that follows.

Oh well. As for my weekend - it was good. Hockey on Friday night, Saturday was errands and cleaning. Sunday was some of the same and some good QT time with the gif. Oh yeah, and I got my car fixed and back. My own stupidity cost me loosing my car for a few days and about $180.00. I started my car, turned it off and then tried to start it right away again when it was cold. What an idiot I was. I flooded the damn thing and then needed to get new sparkplugs and get the oil changed, Let that be a lesson - huh?

When I was coming home from hockey friday night, something hit me. As my life has evolved, I have always realized some goal. When I was in high school, I played sports. Scoring a goal, or winning a game or a tournametn meant something to me. When I was in college, it was to complete school and get a degree. College gave me a profound sense of accomplishment, I played soccer in college. We won games, we went to nationals. I was apart of that. Now, it seems, these things mean very little to me. I play soccer because I want to keep in shape. I don't like the guys I play with on many levels. If we want to win the league, then let's make a real effort to get better. It's like they want to win, but have no desire to improve to get there. Thus, I'm stuck. I play hard, but for no reason. There is no sense of accomplishment. Even if I score - it means little to me. I play hockey because I love the game. If we win, we win. It has no meaning for me. I thought when I got back into it, it would - but now, there is nothing.

I just started skateboarding again. My first session was a lot of fun. It was cool. The first time I tried to skate again, I skate scared, I didn't want to slam. Well, I couldn't do anything. this time around, I just put my brain on auto-pilot and let go. It was an amazing feeling.

So here I am, thinking about what I've done lately that has been some kind of accomplishment. Is getting married an accomplishment? Is settling down and accomplishment? Right now I work in a small office in an industry that I love and hate all at the same time. I am a techno geek - so giving up and moving to another industry would be hard for me. Maybe it's just complacency? On that drive home, I suddenly felt empty. Like the last few years have left me nothing to look back on as significant achievments. Now I know what professional atheletes go through. When the music stops and the fans stop cheering for you - it makes your life very hollow. Nobody to challenge you, push you further. It's a very weird feeling. One that kinda hit me all at once.

So where do I go from here? I guess I have to buck up and take the plunge. Get my magazine started, get my website jump started and hit the ground running. I'm already looking for another job. When it slows down around here at MCU, I'll start writing again. I have a few ideas for a book. I just need to crytalize them and get them going.

And so, I stand at another crossroads poised to get going again. I'll call Inch today and see how his project is coming. Me? I'm going to make a list and set some deadlines for me. See what shakes out and what transpires.

I need to do some relaxation excercises tonight. Get my mind back at ease, and get centered.

Well, to all,

THATS ALL I GOT FOr NOW!

TOAST